Gaslighting: How to Recognise It and Cope, Even with Family

Gaslighting is a subtle yet profoundly damaging form of emotional abuse. Whether it occurs in romantic relationships, the workplace, or within families, it can leave you doubting your memory, feelings, and sense of reality. This article will help you understand gaslighting, recognise the signs, and provide practical, empathic strategies to cope, especially when it comes from parents or siblings.

The image depicts the word "gaslighting" repeatedly printed on torn strips of paper, symbolizing the pervasive and fragmented nature of psychological manipulation and control.

What Is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is psychological manipulation where someone seeks to make another person doubt their perception, memory, or judgement. Unlike simple lying, gaslighting is persistent and systematic. It is often about control, keeping the victim unsure, anxious, or dependent.

The term comes from the 1944 film Gaslight, where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her mind. Today, gaslighting is recognised as a common tactic in abusive relationships of all kinds, including familial relationships.

A hand manipulates a paper doll with red strings, symbolizing control and manipulation in a relationship or situation.

Signs You Might Be Experiencing Gaslighting

Recognising gaslighting is the first step to regaining control. Common signs include:

• Self-Doubt: You constantly question your memory, thoughts, or decisions.

• Feeling Confused or “Crazy”: You apologise often, even when you haven’t done anything wrong.

• Excessive Guilt: You feel responsible for others’ actions or moods.

• Isolation: Friends, family, or support systems may be dismissed or undermined.

• Contradictory Statements: The gaslighter denies past actions or words.

• Emotional Manipulation: You are blamed for their behaviour or told you’re “too sensitive.”

When gaslighting comes from parents or siblings, it can be particularly painful because it’s tied to deep-seated trust and family dynamics. Children or siblings may grow up believing their feelings are wrong, which can affect self-esteem long into adulthood.

Emotional Impact of Gaslighting

Being gaslit can have long-term emotional consequences, including:

• Anxiety and depression

• Low self-esteem

• Emotional exhaustion

• Difficulty making decisions or trusting your own judgement

Recognising these effects is crucial. It is not your fault, and your feelings are valid.

Practical Tips to Cope With Gaslighting

A couple uses hand gestures to symbolize a barrier, emphasizing distance or separation between two wooden figures on a table.

Coping with gaslighting requires a combination of emotional awareness, boundary-setting, and self-care. Here are practical strategies:

1. Trust Your Perception

Keep a journal of events, conversations, and feelings. Documenting your experiences helps you distinguish reality from manipulation.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

Identify what behaviour you won’t tolerate and communicate this calmly. With family members, this might mean limiting certain topics or interactions.

3. Seek External Support

Talk to friends, mentors, or therapists who validate your experience. For those gaslit by family, external support is crucial to maintaining perspective.

4. Educate Yourself About Gaslighting

Understanding tactics like minimisation, projection, and denial can help you recognise manipulation earlier.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

Remind yourself that being manipulated is not your fault. Engage in activities that nurture your emotional and physical well-being.

6. Limit Exposure Where Possible

When possible, reduce contact with the gaslighter. In unavoidable family situations, practise emotional detachment and maintain neutral communication.

7. Keep Evidence

Record conversations, messages, or interactions. Evidence can help you stay grounded in reality, particularly if your memory is challenged.

8. Use Assertive Communication

State facts and your feelings clearly without engaging in arguments. For example:

“I remember it differently, and this is my experience.”

9. Pause Before Responding

Gaslighters thrive on emotional reactions. Take a moment to breathe and respond calmly to avoid giving them control.

10. Name the Behaviour

Recognising and naming gaslighting to yourself or trusted people reduces confusion and reinforces your clarity.

11. Build a Reality Check Network

Surround yourself with people who affirm your experiences and provide objective perspectives.

12. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness or grounding techniques help separate your thoughts from manipulative messages. Even simple breathing exercises can reduce anxiety.

13. Prioritise Your Needs

Focus on self-care and personal boundaries. Your needs are valid, even when a family member tries to convince you otherwise.

14. Know When to Walk Away

In some cases, limited contact or disengagement may be necessary for your well-being. Distancing yourself from a toxic family dynamic is a form of self-preservation, not betrayal.

"A journey from gaslighting to serenity: An illustration depicting a man's transformation from anxiety to calmness through a walk in nature."

Healing From Family Gaslighting

Recovering from gaslighting by parents or siblings can be particularly challenging due to emotional attachment. Steps to rebuild confidence include:

• Reconnect with your intuition and trust your feelings

• Affirm your thoughts through positive self-talk

• Make small decisions that reinforce self-trust

• Celebrate achievements to rebuild confidence

Healing is not linear, and setbacks are normal. Every step toward reclaiming your reality is progress.

An outstretched hand reaches into a colorful background filled with uplifting words like "healing," "love," "gratitude," and "peace," symbolizing the journey and transformation towards spiritual wellness and positivity.

Final Thoughts

Gaslighting is a subtle but harmful form of emotional abuse that can leave lasting effects, particularly when it comes from family. Recognising the signs, protecting your mental space, and practising self-compassion are crucial steps toward recovery.

You deserve relationships, family included, that affirm your reality and respect your emotional well-being. Coping with gaslighting is challenging, but with awareness, boundaries, and support, it is entirely possible to regain your confidence and peace of mind.

If You’re Ready to Begin Healing

Recovering from the effects of gaslighting can feel isolating, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. I am Saleha Choudhury, a BACP Accredited Counsellor and founder of WeCounsel. I work with individuals to rebuild trust in their own perceptions, develop healthy boundaries, and rediscover self-worth after emotional manipulation.

If this article resonates with you, I invite you to learn more or reach out for support at www.wecounsel.co.uk. Together, we can help you find clarity, confidence, and emotional balance again.